Love & Respect in the Family

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.