Overview

How have you been doing with the five Love & Respect Principles?

* Pink and Blue: Not Wrong, Just Different 

* Hollywood or The Holy Word? 

* 80:20 Ratio 

* Not Communication, But Mutual Understanding 

* My Response is My Responsibility 

I believe God directs us and guides us together. 

He brings us together for a purpose greater than ourselves.

A Real Life Story: The little girl and the bike. 

Many of us know that Jesus brought us together (Mark 10:9). We have a greater purpose than just our marriage. We have a story to share about the Lord’s leading. We have a testimony about God. 

But some of us are going to divorce, because we have discouraging, despairing moments and we have forgotten what God did. 

Remember that Jesus had despairing moments in the Garden of Gethsemane but he stayed the course. 

We will all have troubles and difficulties, but will we doubt in the dark what we believed in the LIGHT? Will we stay the course? 

God brought you together for this dance. He picked her for you; he picked him for you; so get back out on the floor. You will definitely step on each other’s toes but you can still do the dance. 

Again, here are the steps you can take that will help you. Live by these mottos.

Pink and Blue: Not Wrong, Just Different 

We are equal, but we are not the same. 

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 

Galatians 3:28 

In the eyes of God, we are equal but not the same. Jeremiah asks, “Can a man have a baby?” (Jeremiah 30:6) 

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do. We believe that we are responding in a good-willed, good-mannered way, so we are shocked when they don’t respond the way we do. 

But we’re not the same; he’s blue, she’s pink. Not wrong, just different.

You’re equal in essence but different in function. 

Hollywood or Holy Word? 

Scripture is our final authority for faith and practice. 

We don’t have a crisis of marriage, we have a crisis of faith. 

Some of us have bought into Hollywood’s idea that God wants us happy. The fact is, Scripture says God wants us holy. 

But like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” 

1 Peter 1:15 

Sadly, for some of us, in the depth of our hearts, we are calling into question what God is calling us to do. 

Let me ask: are you doubting your relationship because you don’t know how to do this dance with your spouse? Or, are you doubting because you really don’t know if you want to follow God’s revelation to you, which is: husbands love and wives respect? 

How will you feel about your decision process when you are standing before Jesus? 

80:20 Ratio 

Celebrate the 80 percent! 

In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 

It is a spiritual discipline. 

A Message from Sarah: 

When the children were younger, I realized one day that I was no longer being friendly in our home. I was complaining about everything from wet towels to candy wrappers. You name it. I thought if they all did life my way, we would all be happy!! Unfortunately, none of us were happy. And I really thought it was their issue…but I found out it was mine! 

One day when Emerson and I were talking, he looked at me and said, “Sarah, I know you love me but I don’t think you like me.” That was the wakeup call for me. I am basically a pretty positive person. My friends see me that way and would never have known I was a different person at home. When Emerson said that to me, I realized this was a spiritual issue and not a personality issue. I needed to make a choice. We married because we were friends, but I wasn’t being as friendly as I could be. 

One day soon after this, I returned from a visit to see my mother with our daughter. While away, the Lord continued to speak to my heart about my negativity and how that never motivates anyone. He also told me to go back and be the friend Emerson had married. As he was there to greet us at the airport, I asked him if he missed me and he didn’t say yes or no. He proceeded to tell me how much fun he and our boys had while I was gone, making forts, playing games, eating when they wanted, etc. Basically they didn’t have someone breathing down their backs, constantly complaining. At that moment, I could have gone into my negative mode, but I saw it as a new day and that I could be who God was asking me to be, and find freedom in that. 

Whether we are male or female, negativity rarely motivates. For sure, our positive actions do not guarantee a positive response. However, prudent people seriously reduce their unfriendly, negative reactions because that increases the odds of maintaining an enjoyable relationship. 

I did not lose power when reacting less negatively! How weird that we feel more mighty by being negative. Also, I did not lose a sense of my identity by being friendlier, as though friendliness equated to phoniness. Actually, I began acting in the home the way I acted outside the home - as a friendly person. That’s who I saw myself as being, so I did not lose my identity but began reflecting it in the home. I believe every husband and wife must make this decision: to be in the home as we are with other people at church, in a small group, or at work.

Talk About It (20-30 min) 

Emerson instructed, “What I want you to talk about is whatever is hitting you from what I just went over. It’s a free-wheeling conversation. What is it that you want to testify to in the group?” 

He also said, “Celebrate what the Lord has been doing. Practice even here the 80:20. Celebrate!” 

Key Scripture Verse 

His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness.’ 

Matthew 25:21 NIV 

Closing Prayer 

We can’t think of a better way to end our six weeks together than inviting husbands and wives to pray together. If you are in a small group, instead of praying as a group, we’d like to encourage each couple to pray together... just the two of you. Whether you have been praying together for years, or this is your first time, don’t worry. Just be honest and real, praying from your heart, and God will meet you right where you are. Inviting God to enter into your relationship is the most powerful thing you can do. Ask for His help in the areas you still need to work on and praise Him for the blessings you have experienced!

A Note

Dear Friends, 

Have you been enlightened? Inspired? Transformed? Revived? 

Do any of these words describe your feelings at the end of this Building Block series? We hope so. We hope these principles established a way of seeing your spouse as God sees your spouse and doing marriage in ways that He designed. 

What comes to your heart and mind as you read each saying? 

*Pink and Blue: Not Wrong, Just Different 

*Hollywood or Holy Word? 

*80:20 Ratio 

*Not Communication, But Mutual Understanding 

*My Response is My Responsibility 

With God’s help, you have the maturity and the power to influence your relationship by applying these precepts. Don’t doubt this! 

Sarah and I know that when good-willed people live by these biblical principles, marriages thrive! Join arms with us as we seek to do marriage God’s way! 

With Love and Respect, 

Emerson and Sarah 

This Week 

We hope you have been open to receiving fresh insight and revelation from God these past six weeks regarding your marriage. Write your final commitment on a weekly challenge slip. 

We would also love to hear stories and testimonies of how the Building Blocks Vol 1 study affected your relationship. You can email us at story@loveandrespect.com.

The Most Important Relationship On Earth 

I share information at the Love and Respect conference about the most important relationship a person can ever have – apart from your marriage. In fact, you may be having troubles in your marriage so that you can make the greatest of all discoveries! 

I believe that everyone needs to hear this information, as I needed to hear it years ago. Back then, I learned from the Bible that God loved me. The more I read, the more I came to know the love which God had for me. You can discover this too! 

1 John 4:16 “We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us.” 

However, to experience God’s love, I needed to acknowledge that I had hurt His heart by sinning against Him - realizing that my sin separated me from Him. The Bible teaches that all have sinned and are detached from the life of God, and that included me and includes you. 

Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned…” 

Ephesians 4:18 “…excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart.” 

Though I had done many good things, as you have, I knew also that I had lived independently and imperfectly before God. That made me a sinner. 

Isaiah 53:6 “All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way.” 

It was pointed out to me that because I had sinned against God, I needed to confess that sin and ask God to forgive me, as do you, so that I could enjoy a personal relationship with God. Confession of sin causes something wonderful to happen between God and us! The Bible states this idea repeatedly. 

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 

Psalm 32:5 “I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’; And You forgave the guilt of my sin.” 

So, I confessed my sin and God forgave me. Oh, the joy! 

By the way, you might struggle a bit with your feelings that tell you that God has not forgiven you. I struggled with my feelings also. However, I realized that God wanted me to trust Him, and that He in fact had forgiven me, no matter what I had done. I made a decision to trust His promise to forgive me though my feelings whispered, “You don’t deserve to be forgiven.” 

Why does God forgive? Because He loves us! This is the unique message of the Bible. The Bible teaches that Jesus died on the cross for all sin, to bring us to God so we can have a personal relationship with Him. He went to the electric chair, so to speak, for the sins that you and I have committed. He paid the penalty for our wrongdoing in order that we might be forgiven, experience His love, and inherit eternal life. What a deal! This is why “gospel” means the good news. 

1 Peter 3:18 “For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God.” 

Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

1 John 4:10 “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 

To seal the deal, I needed to receive Christ. I needed to receive Jesus Christ into my heart and spirit by asking Him to take up residence inside of me. 

John 1:12 “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name.”

Colossians 2:6 “… as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord…” 

Colossians 1:27 “Christ in you.” 

What about you? Do you want to experience God’s love in a personal relationship with Him, both now and throughout eternity? 

You can, by praying this prayer: 

“God, I believe in You and Your love for me. I agree that my sin has hurt Your heart, and hindered my experience of Your love. I confess my sin and ask You to forgive me based on Jesus paying the penalty for my sin by dying on the cross. Lord Jesus, surrendering myself fully to You, I ask You to come into me. Thank You. Thank You for allowing me to know You personally and for granting eternal life to me. In the Name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.” 

If you prayed that prayer, where is Jesus in relationship to you? He is in you. He will not leave or forsake you. Though your marriage brings trials and sadness, your relationship with God through Christ can blossom. Furthermore, He is now your Helper, and He will help you in your marriage! Let’s trust that the challenges you have been encountering in your marriage have brought you to this most important decision. 

Key Scripture Verses 

Session One
‍A man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (NIV) 

Session Two
‍If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments, and abide in His love. John 15:10 (NASB) 

Session Three
‍If you marry, you have not sinned, but you will have trouble. 1 Corinthians 7:28 (NASB) 

Session Four
‍For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. Matthew 12:34 (NASB) 

Session Five
‍He who guards his mouth and his tongue guards his soul from troubles. Proverbs 21:23 (NASB) 

Session Six
‍Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness! Matthew 25:23 (NIV)