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How Mothers of Sons Create The Respect Effect - During and After The Day
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Session Reading
Scripture Says It:
1 Peter 2:17: “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers.”
Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.”
1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
They Said It:
A consultant to early childhood teachers: “It is respectful to believe a boy can be better than he is. So if a boy is acting inappropriately, it is reasonable to say to him, ‘That behavior just isn’t the real you that is inside you; I expect better things from you’ (or words to that effect).”
A dad who has learned a new way to discipline his son: “In regard to the Man of Honor statements, when my son and daughter get into a fight, I no longer ask him, ‘Why did you hit your sister?’ but now I sit on the bed shoulder-to-shoulder and say, ‘Son, I know you’re a man of honor, so I don’t understand why you would hit your sister.’ Then I give him a minute to think about it before letting him know that it was unacceptable and that I would like him to learn from this lesson and act honorably in the future.”
A mom who sought forgiveness from her adult son: “When [my adult son] was young I did not treat him with respect. . . When he began to go through some trials in his marriage he responded in ways I did not approve of. I was very critical of him and did not respond to him in a respectful way. . . I had learned the lesson regarding my husband but had not thought to apply it to my son. I wrote him a letter asking his forgiveness for treating him as I had, both as a young man and in the current situation. I am happy to say that he did forgive me and our relationship is better than it has been for many years.”
Bring It Home:
(During the day—continued)
- She prefaces with words of respect.
- She appeals to the honorable man inside.
- She goes beyond saying, “Be nice!”
- She asks for a solution.
- She confronts and corrects with Respect-Talk.
(After the day is over)
- When she misses an opportunity, she goes back to it.
- She confesses her disrespect.
- She relaxes about not being perfect.
Up For Discussion
Why does it feel so contrary to our nature to seek our children’s forgiveness? What lies do we try to convince ourselves of in order to avoid humbling ourselves in this way?
Do you believe your son will take advantage of you if you confess and seek his forgiveness, or will he actually feel honored? Why do you say this?
On the heels of your son’s shortcomings, which of the following have you done or feel you should have done in order to better motivate him? Discuss with the group.
- Preface my comments to him with words of respect before pointing out the shortcoming.
- Appeal to the honorable man inside as I address a shortcoming.
- Go beyond urging him to “Be nice!” but ask him to act respectfully and honorably.
- Instead of quickly giving him a solution, respectfully ask him what he thinks is a good solution.
- Confront and correct with a demeanor of respect and with Respect-Talk.
Just For Mom
When you feel you have made a misstep (and you will!), are you committed to these three things?
- When I miss an opportunity for Respect-Talk, I will go back later and speak it.
- When I have been disrespectful, I will confess my disrespect to my son.
- When I fail, I will stay relaxed about not being perfect, since no one is perfect, and tomorrow is another day.
Which of the above are easier for you to commit to? Why? Which do you believe will be more difficult to commit to? Why?
Here at the end of this series, take a few moments to pray about and meditate on how you can begin to better: 1) prepare for the day, 2) conduct yourself during the day, and 3) redeem after the day.
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