This week at home, take time to read and meditate on this material which reinforces the video content you just heard in group. Prayerfully apply the questions and assignments to your personal situation. 

What Am I Worth? 

In Session 3 we focused on who God is and how He loves us and cares for us. But what does that have to do with who we are? 

The answer is – Everything! We are created in the image of God, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). When we place our faith in Jesus, we become a new creation and all of God’s Kingdom is available to us. The old passes away (2 Corinthians 5:17). We become temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19), chosen and appointed (John 15:16) – even joint heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17). That means we are royalty (1 Peter 2:9)! In addition to having fellowship with God and gaining entrance into heaven, we also gain a new identity and have access to the power of God. Having the awareness of who we are in Christ enables us to be women of dignity. 

Right about now you may be thinking, “Well, this all sounds good but what does it have to do with my marriage?” Again, the answer is – Everything! In order to truly love another person and to receive love in return, you must love yourself. True self-love is rooted in God’s image of you. In other words, God’s image of you must be your image of yourself. Since God loves you, you are to love yourself as God does – or at least move in that direction as you mature. 

Let’s take this a step further. Your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it but does not determine it. If your self-image rests on your husband’s image of you, then you will be hypersensitive to his disapproval. If you expect him to love you so that you can feel good about yourself, this is equal to him demanding that you respect him so he can feel self-respect. The tension you feel in your marriage runs deeper than your husband failing to love you. This is about feeling good about yourself, and not putting that responsibility on your husband’s shoulders. We are not just talking about the wimpy wife here. Even a strong woman can feel unloved by her husband’s lack of input into the marriage. The state of your marriage should not be the basis of your self-image. God’s image should be the foundation. 

Because of Who You Are

This is why Ephesians 5 follows Ephesians 1-4. The apostle Paul says having believed, we are marked with the seal of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13 NIV). He prayed that we who believe would have the Spirit of wisdom and revelation to know God better, opening the eyes of our heart to know the hope and His incomparable great power! The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in you if you have made Jesus your Lord and Savior (Ephesians 1:17-21). Wow! Think of what that means. This is for you to embrace, not in a prideful way, but in a bold humility. Christ died so that you not only can be with Him in eternity but so you can walk in the power of His Holy Spirit as a light in this world. This power will enable you to walk through anything…even difficult times in your marriage. 

When a child is born into royalty, they learn who they are from a very early age and are taught to act accordingly. They are well aware of the position and provision that is behind that title. We too are royalty. As a believer in Jesus Christ, you are a daughter of the King, representing your heavenly Father and your Savior. 

In other words, you seek to act respectfully not because your husband is respectable, but because you are a respectful person. You do it because of who you are, not because of who your husband fails to be. This isn’t just for your Sunday School class or the church picnic. This holds true in the privacy of your own home, putting on respect and acting like a woman of dignity when the only ones watching are your spouse, children, and God. 

Does this sound impossible? Think of it this way: what is your alternative? To act disrespectfully, with contempt, or with disdain? That is always ineffective. No man feels fond feelings of love and affection in his heart toward a wife he believes despises him as a human being! So disrespectful behavior backfires - always. You may get an immediate result, but over the long term, it will break down your marriage. 

There is no neutrality on this issue. You’re either going to act with respect…or disrespect. To choose respect does not mean you will do this perfectly! You will fail, as we all do. But when you fail, you can get back up because you are a daughter of the King, and He has given you everything you need to walk in royal dignity. The Holy Spirit dwells in you, and is there to guide, help, and comfort you. 

So remember your position in Christ. When you value yourself as God values you, you won’t feel threatened or insecure when your husband fails to love you. When you put another person in the role of God, they will fail you. We know your husband can hurt you deeply. We don’t minimize that. But in the deepest sense, his lack of love does not undermine your deepest self-view. It actually reveals where you derive your self-worth. Your husband cannot heal your wounded soul. Only God can. 

Ponder This

‍Is your problem a lack of love from your husband, or your disbelief in what God says about you? This is about who you are, not about who your husband isn’t. You are a royal heiress, a princess with access to the King and His kingdom! 

Let’s Do This! 

Read Ephesians 1:1-14 out loud. Are you ready to put a stake in the ground and make the following commitment regarding your identity? 

My Identification Card 

In God I have discovered my true and essential identity. I am somebody eternally secure and significant. I am not better than others or worse than others. In Him, I have been chosen for adoption by the Father. In Him, I have redemption, forgiveness, and have obtained an inheritance through the Son. In Him, I was sealed with the Holy Spirit. I have read and believe what is written in Ephesians 1:1-14. 

Therefore, on this date of __________________, I choose to trust His view of me and choose to see myself this way. I do not need to seek my primary identity elsewhere. My essential identity is not derived from my intelligence, beauty, abilities, riches or family. If my identity is based on these and I lose them, I lose my identity. If I gain these things, I can gain a superficial identity and live independent of Christ. Though these things can affect my identity, which can be okay, I will no longer allow them to “determine” my foundational identity as a person, otherwise I would build my house on sand. I refuse to believe the lie any longer. Today I make a decision to believe what God says in Scripture. 

Thus I, ______________________, sign this “identification card” as a way of reminding me and revealing that I am secure in my position due to who I am in Christ. I am satisfied. In the deepest sense, I will not look to my spouse’s love in order to feel good about myself. My self-love is based on Christ’s love of me. 

I will now do good things. I will not do this in order to gain God’s acceptance. I am already accepted in Christ. But like a wife who responds enthusiastically to unconditional love, so I will respond as the Bride of Christ to God’s unconditional love. I will do good things not to appease God, but to please God. 

1. Even with your new commitment to base your identity in Christ, the enemy will try to defeat you by whispering lies about who you are. Remember, faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of Christ (Romans 10:17). Look up the following Scriptures and list each truth about who you are in Christ.
 

Psalm 139:14 _____________________________________________________________

1 Corinthians 6:19 _________________________________________________________

2 Corinthians 5:17 _________________________________________________________

John 15:16 _______________________________________________________________

Romans 8:17 ______________________________________________________________

1 Peter 2:9 ________________________________________________________________

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2. *Philippians 2:4 says: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (NIV). Ask your husband his opinion on an issue related to his expertise or interests. Doing this shows him that you respect his insights. Write out what happened when you did this. 

3. Write down several words that describe how you see yourself. 

4. Are you different in character and personality when you’re at home than you are with your friends? Explain. 

5. How does what you think/feel about yourself differ from who you are in Christ? 

Let’s Reflect 

Write a prayer asking God to change how you view yourself. Ask Him to give you the revelation and the ability to accept who He says you are as the Truth. 

Praise Report 

Keep track of any positive changes in your life and/or marriage, no matter how small. Consider sharing them with the group next week.